In early 2025 I was forced to say goodbye to both of my dogs. I lost Dennis in January and 2 months later Uffe was gone too. The following text is just something that I wanted to write for myself since I miss them a lot. Perhaps it's a way for me to process the loss, I'm not sure, but anyway - here goes.
Article Contents
What happened?
In general - nothing out of the ordinary when it comes to dogs. They were both elder gentlemen and it started to show.
Dennis was 15 years old and he was generally healthy up to the final 3 months. He suffered from a couple of large benign tumors for a few years, but they did not directly affect him in any noticable way until the final months when they changed and became very hard. He suffered from a herniated disc (twice in the last 3 months) and cancer was found in his lungs when we were at the vet to perform x-ray for the herniated disc. He was in pain, could not walk properly anymore and it was clear that he had started to give up.
Uffe was 11 (close to 12) years old and apart from an issue with his lower back when he was younger, he was very healthy for most of his life. But only weeks after I lost Dennis, I noticed that Uffes breath smelled really bad and that there was something unusual in the back of his mouth. That thing turned out to be a malignant tumor. A surgery was performed quickly and they managed to remove most of the tumor, but warned me that it would likely grow back fast as tumors in the mouth usually are very aggressive. Only weeks later, the tumor was back and had now spread to the throat, toungue and side of his mouth. There was no other option but to say goodbye to him as well.
Loosing the dogs
As most dog-owners know, making the decision to put down your dog is one of the worst things you have to do. I was absolutely devastated after the loss of Dennis and cried on and off for weeks. I had just started to put together a plan of how to get another dog and use Uffe as a big brother for what I thought was going to be at least a few years. I did not really have time to fully process the loss of Dennis until I was forced to deal with the upcoming loss of Uffe as well and that was heartbreaking. I tried to "stay strong" for Uffe, bottle up the sadness from the loss of Dennis and give Uffe the best weeks possible until we had to face the inevitable.
After I had said my final goodbye to Uffe, all of the emotions from the loss of Dennis resurfaced as well and my mind was filled with sadness. That afternoon was absolutely horrible and I cried a ton. I walked for hours on the paths I usually walked with my dogs just to do something while processing the whole thing. When I finally got home, it hit me: I was never going to be greeted by them at the door ever again. I just broke down. I didn't know that the human body was able to produce that many tears, but it did.
The following hours and days were a collection of moments where I discovered how silent life without dogs is and how many things you learn to expect to happen when they no longer do. Things like dogs running at top speed to the kitchen when a packet of cheese is opened, checking behind me to not roll over the paw of a sleeping dog with my desk chair or having 2 dogs happily staring at me with wagging tails when you turn off the monitor and they know it's time for a walk. The routines that you create over 15 (and 11) years with your best buddies do not go away easy.
In all that pain and sadness I was however lucky to find out that there was a lot of emotional support offered. Family, friends and all the local area dog-owners that I've come to know over the years all offered some support and that helped a lot. Many have been through similar situations and know how difficult it can be. I know I will have random moments of sadness popping up every now and then for a long time, but have also reached a stage where I want to remember the good things that we shared over the years.
Dennis
When I finally landed a job that allowed dogs at the office, I was very happy. The job seemed OK, but most importantly - I could finally get that dog that I had been dreaming of ever since my time in the airforce where the interest for dogs skyrocketed. I started looking for a German Shepherd, but random events caused me to also look into Danish-Swedish Farmdogs. I met up with a dog breeder that was planning puppies a few months later and I was hooked. Not just the breed, but also the owner and the dog that was to be Dennis' mother all impressed me. Dennis was born in December of 2009 and when he was 3 weeks old I received the first pictures. A few weeks after that I visited the puppies and met him for the first time - I instantly just knew he was the one. He was 8 weeks old when I brought him home.
From the beginning it was clear that he was healthy, curious and eager to learn. Like all puppies, he enjoyed biting/chewing everything and a lot of toys were destroyed. He also enjoyed playing with empty toilet paper rolls - a much cheaper toy. He learned things very quickly - walking in a lead was almost effortless and he was truly responsive. It was clear that he also reacted to the level of response that he got - he really listened and acted upon what I said. He was really active and pretty soon the favourite toy became tennis balls - he loved to play fetch with them (and just completely destroy them by chewing) and we did that a lot. At the same time he could also just relax when there was nothing else to do. He usually just went to sleep while I was working and seemed happy with that.
Uffe
In April of 2014 I got a call from the same dog breeder I got Dennis from, asking if I would consider another dog (same breed, about 10 months old). This time as a sort of co-owner where I own the dog, but the dog breeder own the right to use it for breeding ("fodervärd" in Swedish). I thought about it and decided that I needed an approval from the all important good boy first. So I loaded Dennis into the car and drove to an area near the dog breeder where we met up. I had planned this meeting quite a bit so that we would have the best chance to make it a success, but as soon as we got there everything went "wrong". I was waiting with Dennis when Uffe escaped from the other car and ran directly towards us. Then he simply slowed down, sniffed us both and that was it - everything just worked and all my planning was unnecessary. We let both dogs run around, sniff each other and just get acquainted. Uffe also seemed super-stoked about me so of course I accepted and in that moment he became part of the team.
As soon as we got home it was clear that Uffe has had little to no training when it came to every day things. He could not walk properly on a leash and it took some time to get all the (what I consider basic) training done. But - he was such an amazing boy! Always super happy and filled with energy - his tail wagging was the most energetic that I have ever seen. He was also really good at "talking" with other dogs, disarm situations by not being perceived as any kind of threat and could usually just run in to situations without a care in the world. Most times he made new friends wherever we went and was happy about meeting both new dogs and people.
The goodest of boys
By 2014 the team was assembled. The dogs followed me everywhere and I would not have had it any other way. They only ever had ONE minor disagreement over the years and that was when Uffe became a little too curious about the food in Dennis' bowl. One strong warning later, the issue was settled in a second and nothing like that ever happened between them again. At work they helped us by guarding the door and screening job applicants and in return they received a lot of pets and play. We started to walk really long distances, but as I mentioned earlier - Uffe had some issues with his lower back which we had to adjust for. Eventually though we found a happy medium of how long and fast we could walk without anyone breaking. There was a lot of walking in the forest and over the years Uffe's back problems almost disappeared. At this time we started to have car-vacations all over Sweden and that is to this day my absolute favourite kind of vacation. Simply load up the dogs and yourself into a car, drive to a place that you want to explore and continue until you have had enough. We explored a lot of different parts of Sweden and these vacations were some of the best I have ever had.
During this period I was often asked if it wasn't limiting to be alone and have two dogs that I could not leave alone for any longer period of time. Obviously it was limiting, but I did not get the dogs to hand them over to someone else for a large portion of the day, so it was something that I accepted. I often had to leave parties early unless I could bring them along. There is a legal time limit in Sweden for how long you are allowed to leave dogs unattended but the truth is that I never wanted to be away from them for a long time either. They gave me so much joy and happiness so why would I ever want to be away from them?
A few years later I worked myself straight into the wall. The job that I was so happy about years earlier almost killed me (not an exaggeration). It was when I was about to call a friend and dump the dogs with him so that "I was not disturbed while finishing that work-thing" that I suddenly realised what I was doing. It was not the broken body after years of stress, the few times where I was suddenly unable to move a muscle in my body for some time or the serious kidney-stone incident that woke me up from my very bad work situation. It was the realisation that at the time I valued something more than my dogs. After this realisation I drove in to work and quit the same day. The rehab from that episode was not easy, but the dogs helped a lot. I am sure that it would take much longer if they were not around. After that I was committed to make all our days together count and never end up in the same situation again.
The years following the work-collapse episode were challenging in many ways, but not in regards to the dogs. By this time we were a solid team that had been through some stuff but came out stronger on the other side. I'm so happy for the years that we got together even though if I was hoping for more. I decided to upload a few old videos into a playlist on youtube so that I can remember them when I feel like I need to. I also created a slideshow video with pictures from some of our many memorable moments:
Moving on
Even though most people that I told about the loss of my dogs were really understanding, one of the first questions I got was "when do you get another one?" and that actually hurt. I know that most people simply want to offer a solution, are curious or just want to keep the conversation to a happy subject instead of talking about death. But I loved my dogs and it's not as simple as just replace one dog with another and happiness ensues. Especially losing both of them so close to each other really hurt and I need time to let everything sink in for however long it takes.
With all that said - I cannot see a future where I do not have one or more dog(s) in my life. I'm sure the right puppy will show up eventually and when it happens I will be incredibly happy and post a ton of pictures and videos everywhere. Looking through the old recorded stuff was hard, but it also brought up many happy memories so I'm really happy that I documented as much as I did of our lives together. I'll make sure to document the new dog(s) even more when they eventually show up.
Rest in peace my amazing, goodest boys!
