It's been in the back of my head for a long time now - the idea of creating my own game. What is it actually like? Am I skilled enough to do it? Is it as fun as I hope it is? Could this even become a career for me? I intend to answer those questions within the following year as I embark into the dark void that is solo indie game development. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it!
Article Contents
Introduction
As I grow older, I can't shake the feeling that I've missed an opportunity to work in an area where I would really thrive, be creative and have a lot of fun. I have wanted to create my own game for a long time, but life got in the way and I have never really given the idea a fair chance. Now it's time to give it a shot.
Getting older
I turned 50 last year and like many others at that age I started to think about things that I have achieved, things that I have lost, things that I could have done and what I want the rest of my time to be like. It might sound like an existential crisis, and in some ways I guess it was, but I did not really panic too much about it. I just wanted to make sure that I did not miss out on more fun and interesting things just because I was too scared or devalued my own happiness in favor of financial stability.
I lost my two dogs not long after my 50th birthday, and that really broke me. It also accelerated the timeline of this game-dev experiment a bit, but I have been planning this for quite some time anyway. One thing my dogs taught me was to live more in the present. I'm still struggling a bit with that, but I think I'm getting better at it as time goes by. I just don't want to have regrets or "what if" thoughts bouncing around in my head the same way I have had for years now.
Regrets
I don't really have many regrets. If I could I would do some things differently for sure, but for actual regrets it comes down to just 2 things. I wanted kids, but the odds of that happening is now minimal. I'll likely have to accept that it won't happen. I also regret not trying out game-dev when I had the chance many years ago. I could have taken that game-dev job despite the crappy paycheck in order to at least figure out if it is for me. Now I'm in a position where I ask myself if I missed out on a possibly fun and creative career while taking the more lucrative but comparatively boring one instead.
Always wanted to try game-dev
Early attempts at game-dev
Ever since I wrote my first shaky lines of code, I wanted to use my newly found knowledge to make games. But over the years, working with more stable and "safe" projects has taken priority.
Lately though, I just wanted to try it out and figure out if it is something for me.
Over the years, I have tried on multiple occasions to make it a hobby, but since I work in front of a computer all day it has been less and less appealing to spend even more hours stationary in the same location.
"Now or never"
So now I'm here - at the point where I will give it a go at full time for at least a year. It's going to be expensive and there is a high possibility of complete failure. But I don't care - I simply must try it out. And at 50 years old it also feels like a "now or never" kind of situation that I must deal with.
Whatever the outcome of this experiment, I'm at least certain that I will have a decision about my future with game-dev. If it works out - great! If it does not, at least I will know and don't have to spend more time thinking about a possible future that I never even tried.
Who am I?
I'm a 50-year-old nerd who has spent most of his work-life programming in one way or another. IT has been a big part of my life and probably will stay a big part for as long as I'm able to work. My interest in computer-related things started at a very young age.
Young programmer
While I "helped" my dad to build a very basic computer from individual components at a very early age I was not really interested until a friends dad introduced me to the possibility of gaming on what I think was an ABC 80. Using a modem we could call a BBS and play a simple textbased dungeon crawler kind of thing. Really expensive, but also a lot of fun.
By Gedeon - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=521719
Later, in around 4th grade (9-10 years old) I was introduced to the VIC-20 at school and I can clearly remember how we were amazed by playing Frogger for the first time. I guess that is where my interest in gaming was born.
My first experience with programming was with my friend's brand new Commodore 64.
We played a ton of games on it, but I was also really attracted by the fact that you could tell the computer to do things and it just happened.
I can't remember exactly what the first lines of code were, but I'm pretty sure it went something like this:
10 PRINT "FART!"
20 GOTO 10I also remember that we got to a point where we created a basic sprite and could move it around on the screen using the good old TAC-2 joystick and it was a great success. I'm pretty sure we used one of the many magazines around at that time and spent many many hours to transfer the code from paper to the C64.
A few years later, we got our first computer at home. It was an Amiga 500 that I later spent all my birthday money on to upgrade with memory (to 1 MB!) and a sound sampler. I remember having a ton of fun with all the games, but also making "music" with programs like Protracker. I'm sure I annoyed my parents to the breaking point with all the "music" I created at that time, but they probably just allowed it since I was having so much fun. I did some programming on the Amiga as well, but it was not something that left any significant memories.
Many years as a dev
Life happens and my focus on computers took a pause. Parents divorced, I had to move to a different city, teenage insecurities, family tragedies and more. But let's not dwell on that but instead jump forward a bit.
Drygast F10
After my military service in 1996, I decided to focus on IT. I took a course at the university and got a job at Tetra Pak where I worked briefly as a "designer" (created and modified technical CAD drawings of machines to glue straws on juice boxes). I also helped out with basic computer related support issues around the office just because I had an interest in solving those kinds of problems. While working there I was asked by an IT company (Lindahl & Rothoff) if I wanted to join them which I did. This is where I got a lot of experience, but ultimately I wanted to know more and after a few years I left to get a full bachelor of science degree in software engineering.
From that point on it has been nothing but programming, software engineering and consulting when it comes to my work life. The actual work has taken a few different forms, but it has always revolved around software in some form.
So in total I would say that I currently have around 27 years of relevant work experience, although my actual computer interest has been a part of my life for a very long time.
Previous relevant knowledge
For the game-dev project I'm about to start, I've identified a few key things that are needed:
- Programming
- Graphics
- Music
For a professional game that is clearly not enough necessary skills, but from my solo-dev perspective that should be enough to get started.
The one thing that I'm not worried about is the programming part of this journey. I don't have specific deep knowledge with a game engine, but I'm confident that I will learn what I need and produce at least passable code (albeit perhaps not the most efficient). At one point I started to build my own game engine, but without a specific goal that project was abandoned after a few months. Coding has been a part of my life for years and whatever I don't know, I'm sure that I will learn. I have built a couple of smaller game prototypes for this page and I guess that is a good start.
Graphics is where I will probably struggle a bit. I have worked with CAD software and used 3DS Max and Maya for personal hobby projects. However, that was a while ago and what I did was not that advanced. Graphics is a big part of games, but sometimes simpler graphics could help to set a certain style of the game and that is what I'm hoping for here. I'm thinking basic colors and fewer polygons as part of my games features so that I will not have to spend too much time on things that will not affect the outcome by a lot. I also decided that I want to use Blender and I'm very much a beginner when it comes to that piece of software.
The band - 1991
Music/SFX is another area where I currently do not have much experience. I used to play guitar in a band (back when I still had hair) and way before that I was a wizard with Protracker, but obviously things have changed a lot since then.
My goal is to learn enough about a certain DAW that I can create basic rock/metal tracks for my game. This will probably take a some time since my current guitar skills are... lacking. I'm hoping to regain some of the previous skills somewhat fast, but putting it all together will be an area where I start from scratch. I'm really looking forward to learning and experimenting with it, but it will probably take a lot of time.
The plan
I will not start with a detailed plan, but here are a couple of things that I have in mind.
Financing
This is obviously a big one. I do not have any backers or money coming in to my company during this time (except for some minor AdSense income from my recipe site) and I still plan on surviving by paying myself a small amount each month. This money is coming from what I have saved up privately and in my company from previous work. It's going to be tight, but if nothing unexpected happens I will be OK for at least 12 months.
Work life balance
Something that is very important to me is to have a somewhat balanced time between work and the rest of my life. I faceplanted hard into "the wall" (burnout) some years ago and I'd rather not experience that again. I will try hard to work only 8 hours a day, but days that I feel super creative and/or motivated could probably go beyond that.
Rövarekulan
I will make sure to take time off to get those hours back and I plan to spend a lot of time walking in nature. I love programming, but sometimes the best solutions show up when my brain is focused on something completely different. In short - 8 hours on average will be my target and many hours will be spent walking to recharge my batteries.
My recipe-site will act as another way to spend time away from the computer. The time I spend on researching, testing, cooking and photographing the final result are all things that I consider a hobby and relaxing activities. I just have to make sure that I do not fall into the trap of finding reasons to completely refactor the site - something that is easier said than done. :)
Learning and re-learning a lot
I have a decent knowledge about programming but not as much when it comes to game-dev so there are a few things to learn. Other areas such as graphics and music will require a lot of time to learn how to handle the available tools and much more. Basically, I need to learn and re-learn a lot of things in those areas and will probably have to adjust the plan accordingly.
The game
I have been writing a lot until this point, but nothing about the game that I intend to create. The reason for that is simple - I don't know yet. The first thing I plan on doing is to create a couple of basic game design document (elevator pitch style) in order to figure that out.
What I have to take into consideration is that I have a limited time and that my biggest ideas will most likely be too extensive to complete during this time. I will instead take a well-known type of game, change it up a little to make it mine and make sure that I don't over-commit. Just off the top of my head, these are my current ideas:
- Tower defense (rogue tower inspired with destiny influences)
- Ballionaire clone, music focused
- Factory-style game with food evolution
Not sure if any of these ideas will hold up, check back after my vacation, and I will have more to say.
Successful outcome
While financial success is obviously great, it will not be the main focus of this project. I doubt that I will be able to create "the best game ever" given my limited time, knowledge and skill. In short - publishing a completed and working game is more important than money.
Defining success
My main objective during this whole experiment is to figure out if game-dev is for me. I want to experience the aspects of solo indie game-dev and determine if that is what I want to focus on moving forward. Basically - can I do it and is it fun?
So my definition of success for this experiment will be:
- Having gathered enough knowledge to guide my future career decisions
- Publish a working game on Steam
- Sell 20+ copies
Failure is always an option
While I'm certainly hoping for a successful outcome, failure is very much an option. I read somewhere that over 90% of game-dev projects fail for one reason or another so the odds are against me.
But I choose to see this as a successful outcome as well. My main motivation is to figure out if this is a journey that I want to dive deeper into and as long as I can come to this decision I'm OK with a "failure".
Final thoughts
So that was a lot more text than I anticipated when I started writing this. If you're still reading this - thank you! :)
At some point I was thinking about documenting this entire journey in video format on YouTube, but I think that will take away my focus too much from the actual reason I do this. I'm open to change my mind about that, but it's not something I will do from the beginning. I think I will save that for a hypothetical future when I already have acquired knowledge about game-dev and is working on my second game. For now - random blogposts on this site will be my primary way of communicating what I think are interesting developments in my journey.
If you are reading this and thinking - "how hard could it be?", I do not yet have an answer for you. But I will not underestimate the work needed to complete a game - even a small one. That's why I will designate what I initially think of as a lot of time, but probably will end up being not enough. I've been through enough projects in my work-life to know that assessing time is difficult. I mean - everyone who have worked with any kind of development knows about the dangers of feature-creep and everything else that can destroy the initial time assessment. I will do my best to stay within the timeframe and plan to give myself some extra room for changes.
I'm really looking forward to this experiment. There will be many challenges and unknown hurdles on the way, but that is basically what I want to experience. If you want to follow my journey, check back on this website at irregular intervals. I will try to give updates every month, but it all depends on whether I think I have something interesting to report.
First though, vacation. The experiment is planned to start when I get back home at around August. I hope to see you then!
