I've spent 6 months trying to figure out whether game development is for me or not. However, a lot of things happened that threw even more question marks into the confusion, and I'm going to try to sort out a few things about what I've discovered about myself after almost a year of reflection and self-insight.
Article Contents
Introduction
In a blog post about a year ago, I wrote about how I wanted to try my hand at game development while also figuring out what I "wanted to be when I grew up." I meant to write a follow-up a while back, once I'd worked out what worked for me and what didn't work quite as well, but other things took priority and everything has dragged on longer than I expected. Now, though, I'm here, and I'm going to share some of what I've concluded over the past year.
Svante
Very shortly after writing that previous blog post and choosing to take time off to sort out things about both life in general and my work situation, one of my first thoughts was about getting a new dog. I was still sad about losing Dennis and Uffe, but at the same time I realized that a life without a dog is pretty dull and uneventful. I started browsing sites with rehoming dogs, but nothing felt quite right.
He likes whipped cream
Just 2 days after coming to that realization and starting to look into the possibility of a new dog, the breeder of my previous dogs got in touch and asked if I'd be interested in taking in a dog she'd sold a few years back that now needed rehoming. The timing was almost magical, of course, and I had to look into it right away.
In as little as 1 week, Svante was mine. Even though it was wonderful to have a dog in my life again, it took a fair amount of time and energy to make sure he felt safe and happy with me. After all, he'd spent his first 4 years somewhere completely different with different rules, and now a slightly chubby old guy shows up with a whole new set of rules to follow. He also had tons of new scents to discover, since the area where I live is full of other dogs, and that seemed to be something he wasn't used to.
Changed plans
So what does this have to do with my exploration of game development? Well, pretty quickly I realized my plans needed to change quite a bit. I wanted to make sure Svante was thriving, and that required a lot of investment in time and activities that didn't really fit with sitting in front of a computer.
It took a while for us to work things out, but of course that was time well spent. These days we're well in sync, and I wouldn't have wanted that time to have played out any other way. The only problem was that I'd now managed to give myself even less time than what I'd already realized was limited to begin with.
What went well
Even though my planning went out the window pretty fast and priorities shifted quite a bit, I did have some positive outcomes.
Game ideas
One of many small prototypes
I enjoyed brainstorming and building documents and prototypes for the various game ideas I had. I think they all had a real chance of becoming finished games, even if they might not have been commercially successful.
It was both fun and inspiring to build from idea, through prototype, to testing certain gameplay elements and seeing how everything took shape.
Programming
As I suspected, this wasn't a problem - quite the opposite, actually. The issues I ran into got resolved pretty quickly, and I'm fully convinced I can handle the programming for a game (using the Godot game engine) from scratch. I'm definitely not an expert in either game development or that particular engine, but through repeated prototypes and small experiments I can now be very confident that I can succeed on that front.
I also made some of the prototypes playable on this site. They are just simple games without too much thought put into them - just prototypes that I used to solve some specific problems. The games can be found here: Cornelius Coins: Another Flip, Cornelius Coins: First Flip (2 godot games) and Country Guesser - the game (html/javascript game).
Music
I'm still not particularly skilled, but I managed to dig up some forgotten guitar knowledge and also learn a new DAW to put together something that could maybe work as background music for a game. It was also fun to focus on something that could be a standalone hobby outside of game development, and something creative in a different way. I still don't have anything I want anyone else to listen to (I'm picky about that part), but it was fun, and I'd love to keep going down that path if I get the chance.
Low-Poly 3D characters
One thing I had a lot of fun with was digging into Blender and creating 3D characters. Initially it was challenging, but after a few good tutorials and letting myself accept my budget-looking characters, it was actually really fun. I liked the simple construction of the characters, and then being able to animate them and bring the animation into the game engine was very satisfying. Pretty? Maybe not, but it would have been good enough for a game with a unique idea (which I didn't have).
Reassessing goals and future plans
This was a big part of the overall plan, one I held onto pretty tightly. I tried a lot of things, expanded my knowledge, and gave myself time to discover things I appreciate and want to focus more on. Now, this may have given rise to more questions and further pondering, but I see it as a positive overall. Why should I hold on to something that's no longer of any use to me, right? One example: game development is a lot of fun, and I'd love to keep working on it going forward even if the money were small, but I can't/don't want to do it alone.
What did not go well
I'm satisfied with the outcome overall, but of course it didn't quite go the way I'd hoped.
Finishing one of the games I planned
A lot of exploring and a lot of learning were fun, but overall I didn't quite get all the way there. None of the games I was considering kept my motivation up, since other things dragged it down.
I definitely missed having a partner to keep continuous development going over time - someone who was also skilled at graphics and could have better created a sense of how the game would feel early in the process.
Publishing a game on Steam
Since I didn't manage to finish any game, nothing ended up on Steam either, as I had hoped. My hope of making at least one sale and officially being able to call myself a successful game developer is therefore crushed - for now...
Insights
Even though this journey of self-insight and exploration isn't over, I've at least realized a few things that matter to me right now. I expect to make these kinds of journeys more regularly going forward, and I'll most likely arrive at different conclusions then.
Plans change
After a whole career in the software industry, I should know better, but I thought I could keep my personal plans more static. I was wrong.
Priorities change
Different circumstances bring different priorities. This should also be obvious, but sometimes you need it slapped right in your face to really get it.
Graphics aren't my thing
I spent quite a lot of time learning different tools, and even though I've gotten better, I don't think I have the eye for graphics needed to make an appealing game. If I pick up the game development thread again, I'll need a partner who has the talent I'm missing.
Working alone suits me - most of the time
I like working alone - but not always. This one might be a bit contradictory, but I've realized that I really enjoy having a bigger task and working on it by myself. I feel productive and appreciate the freedom that kind of solo work gives.
But sometimes I also need a partner or a sounding board - either to cover gaps in my knowledge/skills, or simply because, socially, my motivation drops faster than I expected without someone to discuss things with.
I feel right at home in the forest
Svante filming in the forest
The outdoors is great, and the forest is the best. I've spent time traveling to different places and experiencing them by hiking with the dog, as well as taking photos and filming.
If I could somehow turn that into a career, I'd jump at the opportunity immediately. Just imagine - driving around all of Sweden in a camper van, stopping at beautiful spots, photographing nature, filming interesting places, and meeting interesting people. If I can put together a realistic plan for that, it's what appeals to me most right now. My current draft of a basic plan contains calculations for expenses and possible income, the possibility of selling everything I own and go all-in on van-life. I calculate the odds of that happening to about 20% though...
I can live pretty frugally
I can stretch my budget further than I thought. Working with a limited budget, I've lived pretty frugally over the last 2 years. I'm pretty certain that I could keep this limited budget thing up for at least 2 more years unless something crazy happens. The realization that I don't need all that much stuff is pretty liberating, and it's opened up a completely different possibility for the future.
Grateful for the opportunity
Having the opportunity to take the time I've taken to stop and reflect has been worth a lot to me. I'm definitely glad I've been able to do this, since I know not everyone has the chance to make the same journey.
Final thoughts
So where does all this leave me in the end - have I sorted out my entire life and my work situation? No, not at all - I'm pretty sure it's a continous effort.
Even though I don't have all the answers, I've realized that game development was fun and that it's definitely something I'd like to keep doing. Not alone, though - I need at least one partner who's also skilled at graphics.
I absolutely enjoy being self-employed and being able to control a lot of things myself, but it's stressful having to worry about every single aspect completely on your own - especially the financial side. Development projects cost quite a bit upfront, and with game development it's definitely a gamble whether you get that investment back or not.
I've also realized that I'd welcome a change in my work situation, but I don't have a completely clear picture of exactly what the future looks like. I've let myself think a bit outside my comfort zone, and I have to say there are a lot of things that appeal to me. Are those thoughts realistic? Good question - I suppose I'll have to come back in a year with a new blog post to give more information on that.
